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Lady Bow
15 January 2017 @ 10:13 pm
If my body wasn't having a migraine marathon the past few days, I probably would have devoured half the Yu Yu Hakusho manga by now, because I downloaded some of it onto my Kindle and not only is it adorable, but the anime is adorable, and sassy, charming, unique, and interesting on so many levels. catches breath I watched this show as a young teenager (13-14) and a lot of what makes it so rich went over my head, I think. All it took was a little nostalgic feeling about it and I went and downloaded the whole thing, then couldn't stop watching. It kind of consumed me! I stopped writing just so I could keep up with it, and then I got to fanart, then to an aesthetic blog for Kurama, and even a few are encouraging me to cosplay, but I'm not so sure about that yet. The fandom at tumblr, I'm being careful about that since people ruin everything, but there have been some truly HILARIOUS blogs that made that fuzzy feeling for this show grow by ten-fold. Namely, yuyufashion and askdrunkyyh. Stuff that doesn't get too serious, y'know?

KKH - Dead Man
This is fanart of Kurama and Karasu's fight, which was... creepy in all the right ways. ;D

Needless to say, I fell in love with Kurama again. But to my shock, I also feel in love (in a more platonic way) with KUWABARA, CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE IT.

I wrote some less than savory things about him in the past, but it must have been because I was a shallow fucking numbskull, because he. is. just. delightful. I legit think he's a stand-up gent and he's made me laugh so hard I cried. TBH I even love his fucking voice now - I think he's great at whining and freaking out, and also sounding like he's in pain ;O; which makes me sad because I don't want poor lil Kuwa hurting and would hug him if I was there. :(((( lol Listen to me, I'm ridiculous. No, but back to Kurama: yeah, it doesn't even matter if he's canonically 15-18yrs old, the very concept of him in my head is an impossibly beautiful older man who constantly speaks in a bedroom-voice and HAS A WHIP AS HIS MAIN WEAPON.


This is kind of weird, but after starting an aesthetic blog for him, I've realized I love rose-gold. If I could afford it, I'd buy rose-gold shoes and a fancy ipod case and you-name-it.

Oh, right, right, I'm supposed to be rewriting a novel. Well, it was going well where I left off. Before I was distracted. Heheh. Even got some comments on the Google Drive docs, and I had some sweet conversations with a handful of readers I didn't even know before. So that was lovely. When I'm back to posting and can FOCUS... which should be very soon if I know what's good for me... then perhaps I can reengage with them about the material thus far. There hasn't been much feedback for ch6-10 yet, and that stuff I'm DYIN' to hear about since it was recently spruced up with the DESPERATE HOPE IT WAS MORE EFFECTIVE THAN LAST TIME, GHUUU.

No Yu Yu Hakusho, Jennifer. Little by little, at the most. It's not going anywhere. ;D

Well there's a PB&J callin' my name.

All of you, behave.

♥, J
Current Mood: hornyhorny
Lady Bow
03 January 2017 @ 10:49 am

I think I will need to buy:

- A bunch of LUSH products
- Almond M&M's ✓
- A decent-sized Himalayan salt lamp
- Moar plain-scented tealights ✓

So I can get back into the groooove! The magnificent groove I was in last January that had me so happy I'm thinking of it even now with a wistful little grin on my face as I sit by the heater with my coffee.

For some reason, I'm working a 6-day week, but maybe after work tonight I will go by the store and at least get three of these... then hit LUSH online. ahaha I would have writing marathons in the bathtub! Bring in candy and wine, candles, and bubble bars, and just kick it.

I'm happy to say that I want and could be able to do that again, during this very special time of year, after what I've been through. Sometimes there has been a pattern, where one year is great creatively and the next sucks. Not even sure how to count 2016, since some of it was so good and some of it was so bad. Maybe it evens out to average? xD No... I think it tips the scale over to the good side. After the summer, I picked myself up and went so far with J that I'm really proud of myself.

Yesterday, someone on tumblr said they missed me through pm, "please come back!" DDDD:

On that note, I think I have to sneak a make-up session in, take some photos and do some chapsnatz. I'm itching to do it, and I bet my followers would enjoy it too. It's just, where do I fit Orlok in? It'd be glorious to try my new makeup stuff on him and do a little video like the good ole days.

AHHH, Nosferatu in Love! What will become of that?! It was such a huge thing, born so suddenly that there was no way to make room for it. Like an unexpected child! And I have it, and I turn to the father, and I'm like "shit. We don't have any money. We'll have to stay at your parents'! What about its college fund?! What about diapers!" Luckily, unlike a child, I could put NIL to bed and never wake it up until I felt like it. lol So it's been in a slumber for what, 3-4 years? (Is there room, this year, for Script Frenzy? Do I want to wake it up?)

Guess it depends what gets done with HT. I'm optimistic, though. Recently, I've been tossing around the idea of keeping off the internet for extended periods of time so I can build my focus. There have been times in the past when I'd spend a couple hours without checking a thing, and I was so much more mindful of what I was doing while I was doing it. It was more rewarding, to read, to listen to a podcast, to lie there absorbing it. Your senses are sharper. I smelled my candles better, I tasted and appreciated my food more. Isn't that weird? There was more peace in my life; I was more content when I had to leave the house; I felt time had been used meaningfully.

Now that I'm not super sick, that mindfulness could take me far with storytelling... if I can just work myself up to being off the internet. lol It always seems like it's going to blow, depriving yourself of your online shit, but then as soon as you're in that moment, thinking to yourself "what do I do now", you have to come up with something that means enough that you won't even think of caving in to instant gratification. Like, "okay, I'm offline. What do I do? I know. I'll work on that painting that I've wanted to do for weeks and just didn't start because tumblr."

I can already think of a list of things I could do. ahaha

❉ Watch more Yu Yu Hakusho xD
❉ Paint Kurama because he is beautifffulll
❉ Catch up on Sam Harris' podcast
❉ Mend two of my pillows that opened up at the seams
❉ Unpack some of my Christmas gifts
❉ Yoga / Meditation
❉ Ohh, you know, writing HT

Okay, I gotta go hurry off to work. Bye.

Lady Bow

...which makes it ironic that I started the year talking about how even the look of those numbers felt promising to me. The prospect of having my novel completely revised and seeking publication by now was tangible... then I was literally and figuratively knocked off my path by two rear-end car accidents. I even had a dream last night that it happened again. I still have daily stomach issues because of gastritis, an illness often caused by extreme stress, which you can bet those accidents gave me. For months I couldn't accomplish a thing because I was in bed, in toe-curling pain. I couldn't get out of my body and imagine other worlds. It's regrettable, but there is still a positive side.

Getting sick forced me to have to take care of myself in ways I had been putting off. It forced me to have to "take out the trash". When I realized work didn't have my back, I quit. I got a new job that wants me to be okay and is very low stress. It's not anything I have to fume about once I'm home, that's for sure. I've met some new people I hit it off with, and guess what else?

One of them is a writer, with connections, who used to read manuscripts for a publishing company. I can tell she knows a lot, and she wants to help me! Once I have a manuscript ready, she has offered to read it -- again, she used to be paid to do this, but she wants to do it for me for free! AAAH!!! Of course I'm nervous, because she made sure to tell me she would offer criticism and I should be ready for it, but honestly, I am more than ready. With criticism comes insight into what it is I'm trying to do. It's actually very flattering when someone spends enough time trying to figure that out. At least, that is what genuine, sincere criticism is. It should make you feel that someone is in your corner, pep-talking you. One of my favorite pieces of feedback is still the lengthy email full of suggestions and observations that cloudsinvenice & R put together.

On that note, I should post it - it was lovely!

Anyhoo, what did I accomplish this year?

☆彡 Five full chapters of HT's rewrite, plus 2 1/2 that are on the way.
☆彡 What is now a 6pg story going nowhere about Jenna and I's fantasy realm
☆彡 Some paintings & concept art
☆彡 A really EPIC Jared Leto Joker cosplay

☆彡 A blog for that cosplay with 500+ followers

I mean, considering how sick I was, it's nice to say I've done those things. I really loved my blog, too. It was a journey and I got to learn more about costumes and makeup, and share what I learned with others. Maybe it turned out the Suicide Squad fandom went sour, but they can't come between me and the material. I try to see it that way. ;D

New Years resolutions... man... do I even want to remember what they were for this year? I probably didn't accomplish them.

Honestly, what I want (what I always want) is to have a draft of this manuscript I can finally submit and a website that corresponds. That's the dream. And I'd like to be happy painting, be happy doing more cosplay maybe. I'd like to take my J out into the real world and do photos. First, I'll just have to make some friends? lol I don't want to have any strict goals besides this novel, though, because it's more important I finish it than anything else. Rather go far with one thing that could start my career than make little bits of progress with all kinds of inconsequential things, like AIW fanfiction, which I'm sure I'll do sometimes for fun, but I'd never push myself. Not when time and energy is so precious. (Funny enough, doing silly side writing has helped me unlock my brain when I get stuck on parts of HT. I'll write for a bit about all of us arguing with Charles Dodgson and suddenly be able to ride through a HT scene that I wasn't finding the inspiration for.)

Okay, 2017. Get yo' ass over here.

Current Mood: tiredtired
Lady Bow
16 December 2016 @ 10:38 am
So no one's here reading this, and I did myself the favor of deleting the "new friends" I made earlier this year who weren't ever responding or writing anything interesting. :) I guess LJ will just continue to be dead and hopeless. lol And yet here I am.

I did some spontaneous, new things recently, though. I made all my final chapters public here, put them under one tag, and linked them on the FB page. A couple new readers were able to read them. Since so much of it still needs fixing, it hasn't made me feel things are so worth protecting anymore. Rather get feedback so when it's changed (which it will be) it's changed for the better. Also, I made a Google Drive folder, which is kind of exciting, since that program is better at bringing people together around work like this and allowing for quick and easy commenting. People won't have to leave polished reviews anymore; they can just make remarks anywhere they think of one.

Surprisingly, a few new people came out of the woodwork when I started posting about this. I even got a super sweet message from someone who quote-unquote "tore through the first draft" and shall have "a special place for HT on the bookshelf". They had been in an abusive thing until recently so they related to later chapters and were even praising Mariam and Paulina for having character arcs that responded to abuse.

Oh, how my heart swells! I love hearing stuff like that. That's the kind of book I want to publish: the page-turner you bring out to dinner because you have to read it under the table. The one that brings about all the feelz.

I think all you have to go by to create a page-turner is to write what would make you turn the pages yourself, and that is what I do, so I will just keep on doing it. The story holds interest for me, too. I have a lot of outside imaginings that don't fit in the plot just because the characters feel real enough, and interesting enough. They can't be objectively interesting to everyone, but you know what I mean.

Fun anecdote: my friend Lian, who used to spork all of my other friend Julia/Sephirothslave's fanfictions (which should give you an indication how different in temperament we are) said she couldn't relate to Lily. She would have preferred the story center around a character like Mariam. I wasn't bothered by it, though. That's okay with me. I love Mariam, and she never gets enough acknowledgement as far as I'm concerned! Much of my feedback throughout the years has been about how readers feel Lily represents them, and I hold fast to that because I think people like her are more in need of being represented. Her counterpart, Christine, is among the characters in classic literature that are always steamrolled because of their eccentrics and introversion, too. She wasn't even given any chapters in her POV in the novel, despite being the second most important character! The main reason for that would seem to be that Leroux was writing a mystery novel and needed to keep characters who knew too much at a distance, but it still ended up hurting her a lot, with regards to how much respect she was given as a female protagonist going through SHIT NO ONE ELSE COULD IMAGINE. So yes, Mariam is a likable, spunky girl with clearer, more nonnegotiable boundaries, and an ability to cut through bullshit. She is a good role model. But does she need to be represented? I think the people who relate more to her will do just fine without it.

And, you know, this is just my opinion -- don't tell her ;) -- but I think Mariam needs just a little bit of sensitivity lessons. She relies too much on the theory of things and not enough on her empathy for unique circumstances. It is why she pushes Lily away, which is quite harmful, despite that she cares.

Well, it is a snow day but not snowy enough that I can stay home. I was convinced that it's clear enough past the icy parking lot, so I will be venturing out... TBH I'd rather stay home and write, as I've been doing the past two days for hours and hours at a time, so I'm not much looking forward to a slow-as-fuck day serving people woks and burritos. Hopefully there's something on the social front to make my 8hr shift go by faster.


P.S. Anyone seen these candles before? { x } I'm tickled by the themes of the scents! "Headmaster's Office"! "Mad Tea Party"! "Gatsby's Mansion"! "Reading at the Cafe"! I might have to get one. They seem the kind of thing that would help you get some writing done. ;)
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
Lady Bow
12 December 2016 @ 05:04 pm
I'm happy to say that my "rewrite of rewrites" is majority finished today! There are three shorter chapters thst mske a lot more sense, instead of two long ones with incredulous stuff happening and ineffective scene sequences. I think they now pack more of a punch. In fact, they make me have to go back to earlier chapters so that the strength of themes is as evident as they were here. So yay!

In order to make progress, I skipped the last day of class today. I took it for fun and of ended up being more of a nag, so I just said "screw it". It was a choice between spreading myself too thin and feeling exhausted, unaccomplished, and frustrated, or getting something done that matters to me and powering through the rest of the dsy feeling good about myself. So I chose the latter!

Work is super exhausting, too, so the fact what has gotten done is done is pretty remarkable. I get to move on to more provocative material, too. ;)

Well, I'm at work on by my first break. Gotta get back to it.
Lady Bow
05 October 2016 @ 05:10 pm
I called a wig shop for the first time in my life and talked about a certain green, slicked back lace-front wig I might need.

Class is going well. Haven't made friends but enjoy the experience nonetheless. We read Waiting for Godot.

There's a couple new guys at work who are cute. Not that it matters.

I accidentally seduced one of my mom's coworkers just by coming in to say hi to her. He was cute too, but men are evil so fuck that.

I bought fabric markers at Michaels!

There are many delicious foods in the fridge that I CAN ACTUALLY EAT. WE EVEN GOT TERIYAKI THE OTHER DAY. AND I HAD PIZZA AT WORK. NO PAIN AT ALL.

Kitchen Orlok has been on the bar top for eight months now, and for the past two weeks he has been sitting, pondering life's greatest questions.

Willie gave me his first hug ever. He'll be two on the 31st. He's annoying but also adorable, if that makes any sense.


Just learned today that Suicide Squad the Extended Cut with the scenes they took out of Joker & Harley will be released next month, so everybody, including myself, is freaking out about that!

I'm wanting to do SS fanfic, and HT painting again. We'll see if I can fit that in.

I HAVE A MASSAGE APPOINTMENT ON SATURDAY EVENING, my first in monthsss because I was worried I was too sick to be able to lie down in a public place for that long without getting uncomfortable.

I miss Lynn, the lady who does my facials. I need more cleanser that she sells, so I want to use that as an excuse to go and visit her and have tea, hopefully. :)

And Tarot. I miss Tarot and magick and want to put together a fun little spell.

Current Mood: hyperhyper
Lady Bow
28 September 2016 @ 08:04 am
I must admit that I'm very behind with my friends list here, but will go on posting anyway. The funny thing about LJ is that one can love it and love being in the habit of engaging with it, but it's also daunting because of the effort and time that goes into doing just that. My only way of getting back to journaling like I want to right now is to ease in, so I start with actually documenting my life, then I will get back to keeping up with all of yours!

This certainly can't be true, and after being tested numerous times I know it isn't, but sometimes in these last few weeks I have felt that I could skip my antidepressants and feel just fine. Still, I wonder how easy it would be to find an article backing the concept that being consistently creative and satisfied with what you create releases those chemicals that us depressed folk are so lacking most of the time. Having something to work on and obsess about sort of affects my whole day, too -- I mean I was a rockstar at work yesterday. I keep getting complimented for putting in my all and having a good attitude. I don't like when people mind my attitude, but it's still nice to hear that it's good vs. that it's too bitchy (which I have heard back when I was deep in health issues and not being acknowledged for that...) I get things done a little more often. I fold my mother's laundry since she hates doing it.

I'm in this weird little standstill at the moment, though. All on the same day, a bunch of important things for my cosplay came together -- three people I had been waiting on for items I couldn't find anywhere else wrote back to me!!! - and now I'm waiting for them to either be produced or shipped. I finally found the perfect shoes, but they're needing to be sent from China. I found a good tuxedo shirt, but it runs so small that the one I got didn't fit so we've been in the process of exchanging. I found the closest possible vest to Joker's but the man is taking his time to ship it out. The bow tie shop on Etsy somehow never received my first message but has now gotten all my information about a custom order and will start on it soon. I forked over $200 for a replica cane that will take 3-4 weeks.

So now I'm just waiting for all these awesome things to arrive in the mail, meanwhile struggling to figure out how to overcome the biggest problems with my cosplay: how I'm going to hide my hair, whether there's a quality and accurate wig I can purchase after all, and how I'm going to hide my eyebrows effectively. So far the way that I do it looks like crap in person. Liquid latex is on its way; I'm gonna try that soon. Also, I have a wig shop lead.

I must say, I feel weird focusing so intently on this with the year heading towards its final months, a time when I thought my second draft of HT would be finished. When glancing at Sierra Boggess' instagram, which I have neglected to keep up with, I also see that I could be using it as motivation right now, if only I had the drive and vision to keep writing. She has moved to Paris. She is learning French, learning the musical in French. The woman's fearless and has poured so much of her life into playing Christine, and now there she is soaking up the story in the language it was written, in the language the characters spoke it in. It's pretty cool.

Yeah... I don't know what to do. Maybe when I get home from school today I will go marinate in all her posts and try to find that special trigger that gets me back. It was her that started all the writing earlier this year: maybe she can do it for me again. ;)

But yes! School! I GO TO SCHOOL AGAIN NOW. Gotta blowdry my hair and get out of here!

Lady Bow
Hey ya'll,

I'm so neglecting my LJ, and if not to you then I must apologize to myself about that. I guess the things that I want to talk about lately just aren't well portrayed on this site, or I know they wouldn't be interesting to anyone but the Suicide Squad fandom. Still down that rabbit hole and will not be coming out any time soon. lol

I've made a lot of improvements on my cosplay, went on a few shopping adventures, and spent more money than I'd anticipated, but I still can't figure out why. It's already a given that the character I'm cosplaying has been hacked up by editing and mostly left on a cutting room floor, so is my blind passion and headcanonning (yes, I'm turning that into a verb) really propelling all this effort? I especially wonder this since Orlok never made it past the effort needed to show him on a low resolution webcam.

Here's my guess: this is how I would have been with Orlok, if I hadn't been swamped with schoolwork and living financial aid check to financial aid check. I was poor, stressed, and depressed. I could throw in that the Nosferatu "fandom" is not alive and kickin' like the Suicide Squad one is, but we all know I put astronomical amounts of care into things that will be covered in cobwebs in due time *coughcough*The AIW website*coughcough*...

No, but really, it's been fun. Maybe that's what I'm spending the money and time on: having a mission and feeling supported in it. Having little increments of success come your way because you worked for it and were patient and dedicated. I think I will shock myself and everyone else when this thing comes together, even if my progress is on tumblr for all to see. There are close to 170 followers now; that's pretty cool. And they're all nice and encouraging. New stuff is still surfacing so we are always excitedly passing it around. They released a collector's edition of the film score, Margot Robbie is hosting SNL in a week, and she is also creating a spinoff film about Harley Quinn which means probably MOAR JOKER! :DDD

But, as to be expected, I did get my first anon hate... I was asked why I choose to cosplay an abuser. I had many responses running through my head. I wanted them to answer their own question. I wanted to point out that discouraging me from doing something I enjoy that isn't hurting anyone is worse than anything a fictional character does to another fictional character. I also wanted to post a bunch of pictures of awesome cosplays of villains or monsters, with variant questions. "Why would you cosplay Jafar, someone who turns himself into a genie and enslaves the world?!" "Why are you Dracula? He's always killing people!" "Of all the characters, you had to choose Austin Powers? HE'S A WOMANIZER. I GUESS YOU SUPPORT WOMANIZATION." But I didn't say anything because I do not believe in spreading negativity, and I think that anon's mind was closed. Nothing I could say would get them or anyone similar to act with more respect. Plus, I think as your site traffic grows, you... you don't exactly owe anything to anyone, but you have more of a chance to cheer people up and inspire them, which I bet members of this fandom need, given how often they are criticized, and how often it's insecurity that fuels their obsession for the characters... I don't want to remind them that there are discouraging assholes out there, and I especially don't want to have/be seen having my feathers ruffled by them. They don't deserve to see that I noticed them. I want them to see me having a rockin' time doing something I'm good at.

Anyhoo... that's where my head is right now... I wish I could say that I could split it into two subjects, but He's There is just lying around, and whenever I go to work on it, I reread what I wrote, find problems with it, and then am too tired to actually write new scenes. It's a vicious cycle. A really stupid and lazy one, too.


Current Mood: hungryhungry
Lady Bow
10 August 2016 @ 01:13 pm
The changes have been set in motion... Now, to wait.

I registered for my Fall class: PHL211 Existentialism, which begins Sept. 26th. AND I applied for a job at New Seasons in the bakery. The bakery! If both of these things work out, it will be very easy to get from work to school or vice versa. Now I get to sit around for the next 5 weeks wondering what the rest of this year will be like, and particularly if things will get better for me...

In other news. I keep wanting to upgrade, and I think once before on this journal I have mentioned why: that in the absence of fulfilling relationships with other people I soothe myself by shopping. I mean, I've got Brandy and he's awesome when I can actually see him, but I'm still feeling down and really frustrated that I can't get out of this funk. So now, I got a new string of lights for my room and am hoping to find just the right new blanket for my bed. I went to Uwajimaya to buy new bowls for everyday eating (beauuuutiful ones straight from Japan!) and also to Kinokuniya for school supplies, all of which was Rilakkuma themed. ♥



Also, I peeled a potato for lunch that had an epic butt-crack.


* * *

So now that the perfunctory life update is out of th way, the main subject of this entry: I'm having a very bizarre fixation with Twilight. Twilight, the series I think was written poorly, and riddled with cliches, mary-suisms, sexism, and oh so many other unhealthy attitudes and behaviors... Twilight, Smeyer's magnum opus of bland and tedious wish-fulfillment narrated by a reckless, sociopathic snob. Yet there is something about it, where I can't look away, even if I'm yelling at the book or cringing at so many moments in the films. Something about it that I'm not too proud to admit parallels with Phantom, especially when it comes to fan culture, so it interests me to unpack the reasons for its popularity.

Now, unlike Smeyer, Gaston Leroux never glorified or glossed over abuse or codependency (we can thank Andrew Lloyd Webber for doing that ~70 years later), but regardless of the original author's intentions, both of these stories have had their torches carried by legions of young women who I think are jaded by real men and the experiences they have had with them. These are young women who have not always been so secure and are sick of chasing men who ignore, reject, or turn on them. I think they want to be wanted so badly that the other side of the spectrum (obsession, clinginess, creepiness) has its appeal if done in the right way, and if the man is brilliant enough, unusual enough, hot enough, or immortal. (I've read something once about how a fan knows it's wrong that Edward sits in Bella's room watching her sleep, but she just can't find it in herself to be bothered and still wishes a man like him was ensnared enough by her to want to do that.)

Both stories have to do with flirting with danger. These aren't Nice Guys - they kill or have killed before, and that habit is still simmering within them. They do not care about the rest of humanity, and they do not notice or find a use for other women, but all of their kindness is funneled down and directed at one target: one special woman who somehow disarms them, whom they regard as being better than everyone else.

It's only through the eyes of these men that these women are "better", though: neither Christine Daae nor Bella Swan are incredibly remarkable women. I mean, Christine is loads more interesting than Bella, and a much better person to boot, but what I'm getting at is the both of them are still imitable, and soooo many girls from these two fandoms have a yearning to imitate them so that they can attract men similar to Erik or Edward. Go to a Twilight forum and you will find girls trying to get a hold of books Bella reads or posting videos asking if they look like Kristen Stewart. For a while, Target was selling the exact bed set that she had in the films, and fans were clambering for it.

Meanwhile, pass through Phantom-related tumblogs and half the girls say they are singers studying music in school, wearing red scarves, or making it loud and clear that their ~*~real name~*~ is Christine. No matter what shit these characters go through, they are still young women who are passionately wanted by enthralling and dangerous men. (I also use the word "enthralling" vaguely, because Edward is still a very bland character. For all the decades he's lived, none has seemed to make an impression on him or lend the author any characterizing anecdotes. Such a waste.)

So I guess what I'm getting at is that Twilight might not hit me in the feels, it might even bother or bore me a lot of the time, but I'm extremely aware that its fans are not that different from the fans of the story I love. In fact, if you explore the Twilight fandom, there are a lot of nice people who say they have found a community that betters their lives, or feels like home. I would go so far as to say that some of these people's interpretations of the story and characters, and the contributions they make to fan culture, are more valuable than Smeyer's actual books.

While I was researching all this, I found two absurdly dedicated Bella & Alice cosplayers who treat each other like sisters and meet up every summer in Forks for Stephenie Meyer Day (lol). The both of them run blogs about hunting down the exact clothes from the films, being hired as performers at Twilight cons, and the Alice one does vlogs and stuff in character. Both also make it clear that cosplaying is fun but nobody has to be or look like anybody else to be worthy of love or appreciation. I would have never thought that this kind of thing was going on, but it is!, and I was happy for them. The Alice cosplayer said she scarfed down the books following a bad break-up, and I couldn't find it in myself to judge her. Look at what I'm doing, just because of an old flame making a brief and hurtful appearance in my life? Looking through these blogs with actual interest.

Anyway, I'll wrap it up by saying that the situation with the film cast is an entirely different but equally entertaining subject. With articles like 11 times the ‘Twilight’ cast hated ‘Twilight’ more than anyone, and tumblogs like Robert Pattinson Hating Twilight, I've been able to have my misgivings with the story acknowledged. They were a goooood balance... XDDD

Well, I'm starving. Bye!

Current Mood: tiredtired
Lady Bow
01 August 2016 @ 01:21 pm
Today I had an abdominal ultrasound to check my stomach, gallbladder, kidneys, liver, and spleen.

The entire morning was actually pretty chill, even though out of the ordinary things happened that maybe others would consider an inconvenience. They're re-paving the parking lot here, so I had to park up the street, near the yoga studio Mum goes to every week. I've wanted to make a habit of walking ~20min a day, so I was mindful of how good it probably was for me to get fresh air & exercise first thing in the morning. I haven't done anything like that since before I had my driver's license and had to walk to the bus stop to get to PCC (7 years ago!) The Diagnostic Imaging department at the hospital had cozy lighting and some acoustic muzak. The ultrasound room was dim and cozy, too. I had a student doing most of the procedure who was really timid and sweet, and I watched the screen for most of the time, even if I couldn't make out what I was seeing. XD

I've grown really fond of taking the back roads home from the hospital/doctor's office. You can go up to 50mph down long roads through farm land, and there's never traffic. I see a lot of looming trees and some creepy looking barns, so it's also kind of a kick of inspiration. There's even a whole ton of what appear to be shore pines, way out past the fenced off fields. (I'd decided shore pines populate the forest in HT surrounding the theater, because they are common here in the Pacific Northwest.)

So... yeah... I came home and had coffee, and threw some granola on top some yogurt for breakfast. I'm addicted to granola now. I'm popping it like House pops Vicodin. Actually, no, I guess that's not a good comparison. I'm popping way more granola than House pops Vicadin.

ANYHOO, I'm just trying to focus on and improve the things that I have control over.

  • Brandy and I had a "writing night" yesterday. It didn't work out well --- I couldn't focus well at his house -- but it was the thought that counted. I'm getting back into that habit of brainstorming and looking over what I'm working on every day, so if I can just keep at it, this chapter will pull together. CH10 took a really long time, and I felt just as hopeless and confused about it, but it turned out solid and strong, so I have kept that in mind while I struggle.

  • I've gained a little weight back because the Pantene has kept me feeling well enough to expand my diet again. Although I still miss a lot of the foods I used to eat, I have also noticed that while the people I'm around are enjoying those things, like pizza or burgers, I'm having much healthier alternatives, and even look forward to some of those things. (Granola, as I mentioned. Also grapes!)

  • I keep checking All Classical Portland's website for their Fall intern applications, and it's past the time they said they would be up, but as soon as they go up, I'm applying.

  • I also just applied to be a PCC student again, which made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like I was coming home. It turns out I did so a little late because registration opens tomorrow (almost two months before class even starts!), so I'm a little bit worried that I'll have unforseen hoops to jump through and end up registering late/maybe miss out if a class I'm interested in fills before I get to it. I can't imagine it'll be too complicated, though: I'm paying out of pocket and probably just auditing. Very shortly, I'll be taking a look at what's available. How exciting!

On that note, I've gotta get out of here. Gee, I wonder if some of my teachers are still there. They'd probably be quite shocked to see me. Or do I want them to see me?! "Oh heyyy! Yep, it's me, Jennifer! I got my BA in Film but it's not serving me and now I'm a 27-year-old pizza delivery boy. Wassup?!"

Jesus, I feel like Fry from Futurama, except my life is still boring and unsatisfactory. XD

Well, ciao, lurkers. Any comment at all would be so fantastic. As it stands, I feel like I could delete this blog and nobody would bat a lash. I wouldn't, but still.

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful